


Blissful Heartache

by CimmerianNight



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Angst, Denial of Feelings, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-11-06 17:54:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11041269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CimmerianNight/pseuds/CimmerianNight
Summary: Akechi Goro goes to Cafe Lablanc to clear his mind,instead he is reminded of his past and forced to confront his feelings for Akira.





	Blissful Heartache

**Author's Note:**

> this is the first fic i'm posting here so sorry about the mistakes i'm not very good at writing haa,,  
> i hope you enjoy it!

Akechi had only been 10 years old when he found his mother; broken in the bathtub. The first thing he noticed was the smell of blood and when a flash of lightning glared through the windows and lit up the scene; he could not help but lose it. Before he knew it, he was on the floor; blood boiling and lungs constricting. His lungs and eyes burned as he could not help but stare at the bloody scene. This woman was not a person he could say he was close to but all the same, his tears fell onto the cold tile floor. He begun to think to himself:

_“Perhaps… if I were never born… this person in front of me would still be alive. They all took their anger out on her, despite me being the problem… I’m an unwanted child… no one ever wanted me. Shido only wanted someone to pass his fortunes to, to make himself look like a good person while being the complete opposite. I will be blamed for this as well, but… that’s okay… It is my fault. Yes… it’s my fault. But, it is also his… His sins must be payed for…_

Thunder and lightning crashed through the cold room as the broken boy in it’s center swore revenge on the one who raised him; who was supposed to love him. He would devote the rest of his young life becoming perfect, gaining the trust of the man he hated the most; doing anything to raise no doubt. Perfect grades, conduct and attendance? Easy. For it was all going to come together in the end. Power was later given to him; he ended lives and families as well. It was fine. He was already worthless… already covered in blood. A bastard child had no worth but he made himself into a perfect young man. A perfect being filled with longing and hate...

* * *

 Akechi had been reluctant when Akira had offered him to stay, apparently the storm outside had gotten too intense for him to leave the cafe. Even when he refused many times, the kind raven haired boy was too stubborn to let him go home without letting the storm pass first. Akechi was growing more nervous by the second; he did not want to stay here. He did not fare well during weather like this, he would much rather deal with it alone, in his apartment. This definitely was not a situation he wanted to be in; the boy in front of him was his target. He will use him to gain his bastard of a father's trust. He was a tool to him, nothing else. The detective had only came here in the first place to clear his mind, to tell himself that everything he was doing was right in the end. Shido's life was one that needed to be ended.

"Hey, why don't we go upstairs? I think it would be way better than just standing around here. We can watch a movie or something? I have no idea when this storm is supposed to end."

Akechi forced himself to smile and give a reply to the boy in front of him.

"Sure! You better have something interesting to watch or I might just go out into the storm instead!"

He quickly cursed himself for saying something so stupid but Akira laughed and started walking towards the stairs.

_How did he even laugh at something so stupid?_ _There's no way in hell he actually thought that was funny._

Akechi's mood worsened at a rapid pace; he was quickly over thinking everything about that small moment.

_What if he just hates me and is just faking everything? He'll use me for a week or two and then throw me away. Wait -- isn't that what I'm doing? Yes. I hate him. There is nothing more to it than that. I only come here for the quiet atmosphere._

"Well, here we are! Make yourself at home."

Akechi had almost flat out walked into Akira before he spoke up. He scanned the room; Akira's bedroom. He had grown even more uncomfortable at the thought of this being Akira's bedroom. He cleared his throat and tried to clear is heavy mind.

"Well... it's definitely... bigger than I thought it would be."

_"Why did he even invite me here? Why didn't he just let me leave? Anyone else would have. This is unnecessary..."_

A loud boom of thunder had awakened Akechi from his thoughts, startling him. He must have jumped quite high, as Akira had shown concern.

"Hey... you okay?"

_Shit._

"Yes. I'm quite alright. I just don't do very well in thunder storms."

_"Why did I even explain myself to him?!"_

"Well then, let's put on a movie, maybe it'll drown out the sound."

Akira pulled up two chairs next to an old tv.

_“How the hell did he even get a TV that old…?”_

Akechi looked up at the bespectacled boy. Akira flashed him a smile that invited to come sit with him. Akechi wanted to vomit. He wanted to run out of this accursed cafe as quickly as possible. Run out into the storm; it didn't matter. Nothing mattered if he had a chance to never see that smile again.

"Are you sure you're okay? You really aren't looking well. Maybe you should lay down?"

_“Just shut the hell up. It doesn't matter to you. I should not matter to you at all. Compared to you, I am nothing. I will never attain anything in your grasp.”_

"Aha, no, I really am alright. Thank you for your concern, I'm flattered!"

_“No, I'm just really annoyed.”_

"Well of course I care about you! You mean a lot to me. Akechi-kun... I really like it when you come to the cafe. The atmosphere is usually really lonely, no one really comes to this cafe. But when I serve you coffee, I really am happy..."

"Enough! Please... just stop."

He could not take anymore. He did not want to hear this. Especially because it was something he was longing to hear. He could not admit to himself that more than the atmosphere was keeping him to this place. There was a long awkward silence before the Detective Prince spoke.

"I'm sorry. I did not mean to say that. I just.. don't understand why you are being so nice."

He tried to block out the storm that was increasing in magnitude.

"Akechi-kun... you really don't like thunderstorms, do you?"

"What...? Are you not going to answer my question?"

Akira smiled, but this time Akechi did not look away. He challenged that radiance he hated and loved.

"I already stated my answer. It's because I care about you. It really does make me happy to see you come to this lonely cafe. I... really love the smile you give me when I give you your coffee."

"How ridiculous!"

Those words have never been said to him before and he had no other way of reacting but countering it.

_“There's no way that someone like him would enjoy spending time with someone like me. To even want to be in the same room as me is... ridiculous. Doesn't he know how much of a waste of space I am?! The person you've spent time with in this cafe of yours is not me. The real me is the horrible person in front of you now. Please... just stop looking at me like you want to help me. There's nothing that can be done. I am nothing and will stay nothing until I draw my final breath.”_

Another sudden boom of thunder shook him to his core in the deadly silent room and he couldn't help but flinch. A room that was filled with smiles before he had arrived.

"Akechi... you don't have to pretend anymore... I understand. You don't have to smile if you aren't happy. You're allowed to be sad when you feel sad. You're allowed to cry.”

_“Please... that's enough. Even if you were never acting like yourself; if that you was a fake, I would still want to see you really smile. I would still want to get to know you. I hate you, you know that? I hate you yet you are telling me your feelings; your true desires. Such desires are being wasted, you could have picked anyone but you somehow picked me. How stu-”_

"I love you... Goro." Two unbreakable stares clashed with each other, a tense silence fell between them.

"Ahahaha..." Akechi laughed bitterly. He wanted to die. He wanted his heart to stop beating; feel a chilling coldness spread through his body but what he wished for did not come. His body felt numb but his chest felt hot.

_“He has no idea about the things I have done. About the lives I ended for my own personal gain. About the lives I still plan on ending, which is supposed to be… yours. The one who just told me your true feelings…”_

Akechi no longer had any resolve left. He no longer had a will. The feelings Akira had for him were about the same he had for Akira. He bitterly realized that he had not really come to this cafe whenever he had time because of the coffee. No. It was for the idiot in front of him. The idiot that was still smiling kindly at him, even now. It was because the smile Akira gave him was brighter and kinder than any he was given before. It was because of the way his hair fell perfectly in front of his face while he made coffee for Akechi, which was perfect every time. He was jealous of him. The way his friends were always there for him. The way he could truly smile, free of any malice. Akechi truly wished he could be like that. He yearned to be someone that was wanted. Someone others would look up to. He tried so hard to become perfect. But what an unreachable goal that was. There was no way such a blood soaked person could be perfect; could be pure. Akechi felt his vision blur. His nose stung.

"You really are... a fool… to want to be with someone like me. But I... do not know who the greater fool is. Because I... want to be with you as well..."

He could not take anyone of this. He had failed. He no longer held any pure contempt for Akira. He let his inescapable longing for love get in his way. He truly did want to be with him. Before he was aware of it, hot tears fell down his cheeks; it burned. It just... really hurt. Loving someone and being loved was a feeling Akechi thought he'd never feel. He had never known it would hurt like this. The pain in his chest grew as he stood there, staring down at the blurring floor, tears falling down his face. Suddenly, he felt a warmth. A warmth he had never felt before. It smelled nice. It was so warm.

"It's okay... I'm here. Just let it out. I'm not going anywhere."

Akechi realized that Akira was hugging him and lost all control of his emotions. He made a fool of himself; sobbing into Akira's chest like a child. His arms were tightly wrapped around him, his hand moving up and down Akechi's back, soothing him. He had never felt this before. He had never thought he would feel such pain and happiness at the same time. After a while of Akira calming him down, Akechi's sobs had finally slowed. Akechi felt incredibly drowsy, between crying his eyes out and the warmth he was surrounded in, it was extremely hard to stay conscience.

_“I can no longer do what I have planned. I can't deny my feelings any longer. You're still a fool for being like this. You still are not aware of my sins. I wonder... if you ever knew... would you look at me in contempt...? Or would you encase me in this blissful hell, just like you're doing now...?_ ”

Akechi thought this as his mind faded, no longer able to stay awake. He fell asleep with a smile on his face, a true one. As he had never felt as blissful and heartbroken in his entire life.


End file.
